Lately, I’ve noticed a niggling sense of loneliness. Although I am often with people, and busy, I have been feeling quite lonely. I stayed with this for a few weeks, and then I did something that I have never done – I texted some of my closest friends, and said how I felt. It felt a bit strange to do this, but I felt it may be my best step to move away from feeling a bit sorry for myself. They all replied, and simply by acknowledging my feelings, and my vulnerability, my feelings eased. Through this simple act, I felt heard, supported, and loved. This is just what I needed in that moment.
I was aware that these feelings and emotions are part of the human experience. While this knowledge doesn’t always make the “difficult” emotions easier to cope with, it can bring a sense of awareness to what is happening. This can often help us understand that these emotions will, at some point, move on. As humans, we also have the privilege of experiencing joy.
According to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) - the ancient medical system upon which both acupuncture and shiatsu are based – we experience 5 emotions. These are anger, fear, joy, sadness and worry. Notice that there is only one “positive” emotion here – joy! This system believes that there is no such thing as a negative emotion – they are simply emotions, without labelling them positive or negative.
I love this perspective, which is just one of the reasons why I chose to study Shiatsu many years ago. With this view, we can learn to accept our full range of emotions with more ease and grace. We can also learn to see these emotions are guides, that help navigate us to a place where we can feel happier and healthier, on every level.
Get me outta here!
It’s natural to want to flee from feeling any emotion that is unpleasant. Our body literally goes into “fight or flight” when we feel fear for example. When we feel heavy with grief or sadness, it can be a coping mechanism to mask these feelings through unhealthy habits. Some common ones are eating, drinking, overworking, withdrawing or isolating, or any other behaviour which is not balanced.
Anger is an emotion that we are often programmed to believe is best kept inside. According to this ancient medical system, anger is also a vital emotion. The problems occur - as with any of the emotions - when it is excessively out of balance, or expressed in an unhealthy, harmful way. In fact, anger, when repressed, is considered most unhealthy as it can lead to frustration, bitterness and even depression.
So, how can our emotions help us to live a healthier, happier and more balanced life?
It’s important to mention that when we consider the emotions, the key is balance. For example, with the emotion of “worry”, this is a healthy and necessary emotion, when in balance. The same is true for each of the emotions, even joy. When joy is excessive, then there will also be excessive lows.
When joy is in balance, it is a constant, inner contentment, no matter what challenges come and go.
What is the “need” behind your emotion?
Each emotion is a signal. When we feel our emotion fully, and question the need behind it, it can lead us to make changes to move to a more positive place in our life.
Behind each challenging emotion, is a need. Or it may be considered as an unmet need.
To use my example I mentioned, the need behind my feeling of loneliness was meaningful connection, and to feel supported. For you, it may be simply enough to allow yourself to recognise this emotion for what it is. Or, it may be a signal to take action. If you are feeling constantly stressed, then perhaps it’s worth getting support to help you cope. Or making some kind of healthy change to meet this need.
Express yourself!
So, how can we express our anger, and our other “unpleasant” emotions, in a healthy way?
According to TCM, our creativity needs to be expressed to help us live in a healthy and balanced way. When we are not expressing our natural creative energy, this can lead to stagnation. Stagnation can be felt in ways such as lethargy, lacking in vitality, purpose, and depression.
We all are creative in different ways. We don’t have to be a musician or an artist! Creating a work or personal project, learning a new language or a skill, playing with your kids or dancing in your kitchen are all ways of expressing your creativity! Being in nature is a great way to connect with this too.
Next time you’re feeling stressed, remember that it’s just the normal emotion of fear. This is designed to keep us safe, and flee from danger. When stress is in balance, it can be a great thing. It keeps us on our toes, motivated and helps us perform under pressure to get a job done. When the balance is tipped and stress becomes out of hand, it can be harmful on our health and wellbeing in many ways. Most of us have known periods like this. Or perhaps you’re experiencing this now for the first time. It’s now that the signal is telling us to manage our stress levels, and there are many ways to do this.
Our emotions as messengers
Thinking about your own emotions, what’s the one that you find the most challenging? Is it the emptiness of grief or sadness, or perhaps it’s paralyzing fear? Perhaps you’re living with the feeling of something being stuck in your body, that is bubbling away – could this be a need to express your anger? Or maybe you’re living with a sense of constant worry that weighs you down?
What are your emotions trying to tell you? They each have a message to bring. If we can learn to accept them, even to welcome them, they can be our most valuable teachers, helping us to realign ourselves from the inside, to live our best life possible, no matter what.
To close this article, I'm sharing a poem by the Sufi poet Rumi, which I hope inspires you as it does me.
This World Mental Health Day 2024, whether you are at work, at home, or on a Caribbean island, I wish you ease and health!
The Guest House - Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some
momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep
your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the
door laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
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Article written by Kerry White
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